Who Buys These Things?

You’ll be proud to display these fine porcelain plates in your home! Featuring beautiful images of scantily clad mothers and their hungry newborns — collect the whole set!

Whitney Houston’s death last weekend has spawned an outpouring of remembrances and fan tributes, from tearful eulogies delivered by high-profile celebs at her funeral, to the less publicized (and occasionally more interesting) sale of Whitney-themed memorabilia on eBay and Etsy.

Crafty-minded sellers are rendering her likeness on everything from memorial plaques and wine barrels to night lights and doll heads.

I wonder what it’s like to direct a choir of angles? “Acutes, you’re starting the refrain too early. And let’s hear a little more from the Obtuse section, please.”

“How Will You Know where the bathroom is in the middle of the night? Whitney will guide you.”

Looking for a wearable tribute that shows everyone how much you loved Whitney? Consider this leather jacket:

Some of Whitney’s own tour fashions are also up for sale, including this Marc Bouwer-designed catsuit and beaded tights:

Sunglasses sold separately.

And finally, there are the Whitney-themed domain names: dozens of web addresses, from OfficialWhitne​yHouston.com and WhitneyHoust​onfanclub.co​m to my personal favorite, the über-classy CRACK IS WHACK.COM:

Half off tattoo name cover ups? Somebody better tell this guy:

Season 4 of RuPaul’s Drag Race continues tonight (if you don’t get Logo, or don’t live near a bar that gets Logo, you can watch the show on the website. Also, you should move.)

Fortunately, I do get Logo (as well as live near plenty of bars), so tonight you’ll find me waving my Absolut Vodka pom-poms as I root for Pittsburgh’s very own Sharon Needles!

“Two-four-six-eight! Let’s-drink-until-we-can’t-see-straight!
Three-five-seven-nine! Out of vodka? Switch to wine!”

Ahem. Anyway, back to the show… Sharon easily won the first week’s challenge with her eerily gorgeous post-apocalyptic couture:

The next week she pulled a 180, donning the type of girly garb more typically seen on Betsey Johnson’s runway during Fashion Week:

Both times she was stunning. Who knows what fashion tricks she has up her sleeve for this week? Will she return to the dark side? After all, this is Sharon Needles who does Marilyn Manson better than Marilyn Manson. But this girl is versatile, and clearly loves surprises. No matter what she wears, I’m sure she’ll be a knockout. Sharon, honey, your fans are waiting with baited breath! Good luck tonight!

And remember:

Even the Death Star can’t escape the reach of the all-powerful pink paintbrush: This limited-edition Darth Vader bust was sold at the 2009 San Diego Comic Con, with 10% of the proceeds going to the Susan G. Komen Foundation. Komen, of course, has been subject to intense public scrutiny over their recent decision to stop funding Planned Parenthood’s breast care programs, and many are calling for the departure of founder Nancy Brinker, along with the rest of the board. Might I suggest she consider a career with the Imperial forces?

“Luuuuuke…. I am your CEO.”

They say that organ meats are all the rage among foodies, so it should come as little surprise that somebody has written a testicle cookbook.

Serbian chef Ljubomir Erovic also runs the World Testicle Cooking Championship (aka The Ballcup), which brought the world its first testicle cocktail, created by Danish “BallTender” (heh) Stefan Candby:

Bourbon with Balls: Suddenly, that worm in the bottom of the Mezcal bottle doesn’t sound so gross…

It’s probably not a contender to hang in the National Portrait Gallery, but artist Danielle Macindoe’s oil painting of Rick Santorum in front of a Santorum-splattered American flag offers a unique perspective on the man with the world’s worst Google problem. (Bonus: 50% of the sale price goes to the It Gets Better Project.)

“You’ve got something on your chin, Senator.”

Artist John Travisano presents an Eraserhead-esque caricature of Rick Santorum that’s almost as twisted as his views. Or maybe that bulging cranium is just his ego after winning Iowa?

Artist Paul Van Scott titled this trippy painting Magical Rick Santorum. There’s no clue as to what magical power(s) it possesses — maybe the ability to beat Mitt Romney?

Speaking of Mittens, the same artist has recreated his likeness with a mosaic of vintage political buttons. You can zoom in to see the actual buttons used. Incidentally, Mitt’s mouth is full of Spiro Agnew buttons — which is a lot better than having a mouth full of Santorum.

Say hello to a softer, fuzzier commander-in-chief with this Newt Gingrich felt finger puppet.

Get the matching Ron Paul finger puppet and you can stage your own debate! Unfortunately, the Santorum and Romney finger puppets aren’t available, so you’ll have to find a substitute (I suggest Kanye West and Dave Grohl with Hunter S. Thompson moderating. Now there’s a debate worth watching!)

…well, almost everything.

Football-shaped garbage can with motion-activated helmet visor is “so nice you’ll want to put it on the front porch.”

Well, maybe if you live in one of them fancy neighborhoods (like Crafton).

Yeah, I’d throw my used kleenex and food waste in there.