Who Buys These Things?

Framed and ready to adorn your wall: Cher’s bra, complete with a signed photo.

As the auction states: “There is not anyone who hasn’t stopped and stared at this piece on display as they walked by because of its uniqueness.”

When KISS announced they were recording a “meat and potatoes” album, they weren’t kidding: The Sonic Boom CD/DVD will be sold in WalMart, in a specially designated KISS KORNER alongside other gems like the KISS Mr. Potato Head Collectors Set. $10 says Gene’s tongue is the first piece the kids will lose.  [ ♫ ]

Michael Vick has been reinstated to the NFL. Next up: Roger Goodell is pelted with hundreds of chew toys on way to a press conference.

Meanwhile, dogs across the country take to the streets in protest.

OMG, these things are good! Especially late at night, when you have the munchies. Seriously, I could eat a whole box!

Poor Farrah Fawcett. First she succumbs to a tragic and terribly undignified sounding disease. Then her death is totally upstaged by Michael Jackson’s. The TV is all-Jacko all-the-time; meanwhile, Charlie’s best-known angel is lucky to get three column inches in the Obit section.

The biggest indignity, of course, is seeing your stuff peddled on eBay for mere pennies. Farrah’s first car phone, netted a respectable amount ($513.50), but there was only one bidder on her copy of Excel 2000, and at the embarrassingly low price of $19.99. Used copies that belonged to regular schmoes are selling on Amazon for $49.95, fer cryin’ out loud!

Oh Farrah, Farrah, Farrah. Will we ever have hair as soft and silky as yours? Will we ever learn the truth about your secret addiction to Milk Duds? Will the media ever stop treating you like a piece of furniture and recognize you for the genius that you are?

R.I.P. Michael Jackson. And H-E-L-L-O eBay sellers eager to cash in on his death.

Tens of thousands of Jacko-related goodies are for sale. Here are but a few stand outs:

• You never really know someone until you’ve moonwalked a mile in his shoes
• Create your own Neverland Valley Ranch with the official employee handbook, soaps, bumper cars ride and menu (the house specialty is chicken!)
• Dress him up, yank his strings or put words in his mouth
• Or clone-your-own MJ from these hair and nail clippings (and give him bespoke shoes and an authentic bite with these tooth impressions being sold by his former dental hygienist)
• Don’t just wear your heart on your sleeve – show your devotion right down to the tips of your fingernails

…because the Sleepover Camp was all booked up.