Who Buys These Things?

Archive for the 'Celebrities' Category

Lick It Up

kiss_potato_head When KISS announced they were recording a “meat and potatoes” album, they weren’t kidding: The Sonic Boom CD/DVD will be sold in WalMart, in a specially designated KISS KORNER alongside other gems like the KISS Mr. Potato Head Collectors Set. $10 says Gene’s tongue is the first piece the kids will lose.  [  ]

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Rhymes with “Vick”

vickChewToyMichael Vick has been reinstated to the NFL. Next up: Roger Goodell is pelted with hundreds of chew toys on way to a press conference.

Meanwhile, dogs across the country take to the streets in protest.

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Dude, got anything to eat around here?

MichaelPhelpsOMG, these things are good! Especially late at night, when you have the munchies. Seriously, I could eat a whole box!

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Who’s the Farrah-est of them all?

Farrah_styler Poor Farrah Fawcett. First she succumbs to a tragic and terribly undignified sounding disease. Then her death is totally upstaged by Michael Jackson’s. The TV is all-Jacko all-the-time; meanwhile, Charlie’s best-known angel is lucky to get three column inches in the Obit section.

The biggest indignity, of course, is seeing your stuff peddled on eBay for mere pennies. Farrah’s first car phone, netted a respectable amount ($513.50), but there was only one bidder on her copy of Excel 2000, and at the embarrassingly low price of $19.99. Used copies that belonged to regular schmoes are selling on Amazon for $49.95, fer cryin’ out loud!

Oh Farrah, Farrah, Farrah. Will we ever have hair as soft and silky as yours? Will we ever learn the truth about your secret addiction to Milk Duds? Will the media ever stop treating you like a piece of furniture and recognize you for the genius that you are?

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Darkness falls across the land
The midnight hour is close at hand

Thriller_license R.I.P. Michael Jackson. And H-E-L-L-O eBay sellers eager to cash in on his death.

Tens of thousands of Jacko-related goodies are for sale. Here are but a few stand outs:

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Billy had to settle for the Neverland Ranch Day Camp

…because the Sleepover Camp was all booked up.

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